Insider info and illuminati analysis...

...from the man they just can't recruit.

Popstars of the Apocalypse Act 2 Act 2.

Act 2 Scene 1

Steve and Crew in the pub.

Crew: I looked into it. You know how the most unlikely people are all related to each other, like how Madonna is related to George W Bush and how Prince Charles is related to Count Dracula? Well John Logie Baird is Jim Morrison’s 3rd cousin once removed from common Scottish ancestry. They’re kindred spirits. John told Jim he needs to get his lost journals because there’s something which will be able to help humanity in the battle.

Steve: Fine. to John So where is the journal?

Crew: Well that’s the problem. Morrison says Baird doesn’t remember. He’s becoming more forgetful since dying 70 years ago. Says he used to know but sometime in the past thirty years the information just vanished from him. But he knows who someone who will be able to tell us. Well, not exactly someone. We have to go to Scotland to the Birth of Television museum in Dunbarton Scotland and we will find the answer there.

Steve: So the journals are at the museum?

Crew: Not exactly, but if we go there we will maybe find out where they are.

Steve: Not exactly and maybe? This doesn’t seem like a very sound basis for action. Good name for a hotel jazz duo though.

Crew:  Hmm. Let me think of something.... 

Steve: Good, a proper plan.

Crew: putting on an anouncer's voice from the North of England Tonight, Cleethorpes Winter Gardens proudly present, the hot smooth soul sound of..... 'Not Exactly and the Maybes.' White hot! Total context.The Maybes are a group of session musicians based in Detroit and Not Exactly is a smooth bald..

Steve: Crew shut up about that Not Exactly rubbish. We’ve spent all that money on cigarettes and whisky. It’s bad enough having to buy all those cigarettes but at least I thought we’d be able to keep the whisky once Jim Morrison’s spirit had departed, I didn’t realise he was going to take it all with him.

Steve: Well I’m sure he’ll let you drink from his finger if you ask him.

Crew: But I can’t drink all of him Steve, it seems a bit cheeky to drink someone. We’ll just have to buy a bottle of our own instead of drinking Jim otherwise there’ll be nothing left of him.

Steve: Well he didn’t exactly take it with him. He seems to have become the whisky. A photonically activated spirit being, or whisky man.

Crew: Yeah, he seems to be able to evaporate and condense himself at will.  Sometimes I catch a whiff of whisky and I think, it's probably Jim hanging around.

Act 2 Scene 2

Scotland, John Logie Baird museum, Crew and Steve are in the museum.

Steve: What are we even looking for? A book?

Crew: No, apparently we’re looking for a clue, something that will help us find the book.

Steve: What the hell does that mean?

Crew: I don’t know, I’m in the dark as much as you are.

Steve: Not when you’ve got the torch. What if we don’t find it?

Crew: Let’s cross fuck-up bridge when we get there, in the meantime get looking.

Steve: But this is crazy, I’ve no idea what I’m looking for. Can’t see shit either, why didn’t we come here in the daytime and just pretend to be regular tourists, why are we playing criminals? I think this if fucked Crew.

Crew doesn’t say anything, just continues looking at the exhibits and trying to see if something sticks out.

Suddenly there’s a noise.

Crew immediately drops to the ground and hides with Steve.

Steve:  whispering What the fuck was that?

Crew: Starts panicking but has the sense to do it quietly Oh my God, it’s the security guard what shall I do Steve what shall I do?

Steve: Get down.

Crew: still panicking but doing it quietly and in a ducking position What was that?

Steve: Sounded like tapping or something.  They hear it again.

Crew: Maybe it’s a security guard.

Steve: Why is he tapping?

Crew: seriously Maybe he’s blind. Maybe it’s morse code for ‘who’s there?’

Steve: Are they likely to hire a blind security guard do you think?

Crew: They have really good hearing. And maybe other senses too that we don’t have because the brain compensates.

Steve: I don’t think that’s true.

Crew: It is Steve.

Steve: No I mean, developing senses we don’t have. You don’t turn into an X-Man when you go blind Crew.

Crew: How do you know?

Steve: Well let’s just say it’s unlikely.

Crew: But possible.

Steve: Shutup crew, we’re in the middle of Scotland in the middle of the night and in the middle of a ton of shit having broken into a museum looking for something that we don’t even know what it is, when we can hardly see anything anyway and apparently something is now trying to communicate with us using morse code for some reason.

Crew: still whispering and ducked on the floor I think it came from over there.

They crawl below the glass cases and towards where Crew thinks the tapping originated.

Steve: Hang on? Why are we doing this?

Crew: To find out what it is?

Steve: I thought we’d decided it was a blind security guard tapping out Morse code.

Crew: Steve, get real, do you really think they would employ a security guard to watch over a load of old useless 30 line TV’s. There’s no security guard Steve, it’s something else.

Steve: Whaa he stops himself and is dumbfounded, after a moment he manages to order his thoughts: Ok, so if there was no security guard why did you drop down on the floor?

Crew: I was scared.

Steve: But you said there was a security guard, I heard you.

Crew: I was pretending. It was fun. But I honestly was scared Steve.

Suddenly in the midst of their nonsense the tapping is heard again.

Steve: It’s coming from this cabinet.

Steve and Crew go up to the cabinet and see nothing remarkable except a crude hand puppet broadly designed as a human face with white makeup and big red lips.

Steve: Maybe it’s this thing. What is it?

Crew: Starts reading under torchlight "Stookie Bill is a puppet which Baird used in 1924 in transmission between the rooms of his Frith street laboratory. The puppet and another one called James have been called ‘the first television actors’ skipping  this is interesting "The incandescent lights illuminating the subject to be televised generated so much heat that Baird couldn't use a human for the testing, so Stooky Bill was used. Eventually the hair became singed and the painted face became cracked by the heat."

A voice: I should say so, the gangly Scots maniac was trying to burn me alive. What did I do to him?

Crew: What the fuck was that?

Voice: Watch your filthy tongue you rascal I might not be as big as you are but I’ll give you a knocking you won’t forget.

Steve: Is that you crew?

Crew: No, it’s Stookie Bill

Steve: What the fuck!

Stookie Bill: I won’t have that language. It might be normal for you rascals but I come from a more genteel age.

Steve: looks at Stookie Bill Ok, are you trying to tell me it’s a talking puppet. That’s a bit of an anomaly!

Crew: judicially So what’s going on Stookie Bill? Have we gone mad or are you real?

Stookie Bill: You stupid scruffy boy of course I’m real, but don’t take that for a validation of your sanity, looking at the pair of you’re probably nuttier than a pair of conkers.

Crew: laughing So what do you? Do you just sit in there all the time.

Stookie Bill: Ahh it’s not so bad in here. Very restful, sometimes people come and look at me and smile or give me a funny look, especially when I say hello.

Steve: I bet they do. I imagine you’ll give someone a heart attack.

Stookie: Yeah, I did that once. Laughing I nearly got caught, fortunately she died and didn’t tell anyone.

Crew: You killed someone?

Stookie: I was only saying hello. 

Steve: You’re not suppou’re not supposed to talk at all. Why are you talking?

Stookie Bill: Well before I became the woosed to say hello, yrld’s first actor I was used in séances. There was a medium Babs McNaughty who used to project the spirits into me and make me talk. However she died one night in the midst of just such a spiritual extrapolation from witch’s apoplexy and left me here. Baird was present at the time and he swiped me away thinking I might be able to help him with his own attempts to find a science based mechanism for communicating with the spirit realm.

Steve: Wow.

Crew: But who are you really? Whose spirit were you?

Stookie Bill: Oh I don’t know, it was such a long time ago and I’ve grown quite used to being a wooden puppet. It’s not a bad life as I said before. Giving people heart attacks occasionally, watching the world turn into a madhouse from within the safety of my little wooden and glass home. You couldn’t meet a happier talking puppet.

Steve: Home? So you were the puppet Baird used huh? What was he like?

Stookie Bill: Stupid Scotsman. Mechanical television! Trust a Scot to try save money on the blasted electricity bill by not using a cathode tube.

Crew: Stookie Bill, we were sent here to look for something that could help us find what we’re looking for. We think that must be you.

Stookie Bill: Well yes, I suppose it must be. What are you searching for?

Steve: John Logie Baird’s lost journals.

Stookie Bill: Ahh, those. Laughing the old duffer lost them.

Steve: Well where did he put them?

Stookie Bill: He hid them in his lab because he came over all puritanical and frightened of what he had discovered. Silly old fool.

Crew: Hid them where?

Stookie Bill: Oh I don’t know, do I look like his biographer? Somewhere in that attic, 22 Firth Street London West 1. Is the precise address.
Steve: Can you tell us anything else?

Stookie Bill: That’s all I know about those notebooks, he just hid them somewhere and forgot about them and eventually he forgot what he was even supposed to forget about. Except I remember what was in them and I remember the note he wrote on the front to remind himself if he ever did find his lost book again:  “Never attempt to create this machine” with his own initials underneath. A covenant with his daft Presbyterian self. So that’s where you have to go now, back down to London. Give my regards to the old city.

Steve: Do you miss London life?

Stookie Bill: Oh I had some gay old years of course but a city like that nowadays would do no good for an old poorly painted wooden puppet like me. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. No, you young gadabouts go back to your smoky home and leave old Stookie Bill to his cabinet of glass and his memories.

Crew: Ok Stookie Bill. Take care of yourself.

Steve: Yeah, cheerio Stookie.

Stookie Bill: Au revoir.

Act 2 Scene 3

Steve and Crew are standing outside 22 Firth Street W1. The sign above them says Bar Italia in neon green letters. They look for a door going up to the top floor of the slim tall building in Soho but they realise they will have to start by going inside and taking it from there.

Steve: God I hate this place. Why’s it always so bright? Like being inside a starship engine or something. What kind of people come to drink coffee in the middle of the night. What’s wrong with the world Crew?

Crew: Stop complaining Steve, I want to look cool. 

Steve: Why?
Crew: There might be famous people in here.

Steve: What do you want to do with famous people? Crew we’re famous people, or at least we should be, we’re saving the world people, we’re the heroes, we’re not here for autographs we’re here for that book now how do we get to the attic. How do we get upstairs?
Crew: I don’t know. Maybe we should order a coffee.

Steve: Why?

Crew: Because that is what people in cafe do, they drink coffee.

Steve: Ok, let's take a seat and order two coffees when the waiter arrives.

After a while of waiting for a waiter they realise no one is interested in them.

Steve: Why doesn’t anyone serve us?

Crew: Because you have to go to the counter.

Steve: Oh really? And that’s a European cafe is it? Hardly different from a fish and chip shop.

Suddenly a group of Italians are heard laughing and one of the repeats ‘fish and chip shop’.

Steve: looks around at the echo of his own word puzzled So what do we do here when we’re not ordering coffee?

Crew: spies a staff corridor We need to get in there.

Steve: Crew, how on Earth do we break into the back of the Bar Italia?

Suddenly from nowhere a man of East London extraction pipes in:

Man: You want to break into the Bar Italia? I can help you.

Steve: Wait a minute, no one said we wanted to break into the back of the Bar Italia.

Crew: Actually you did Steve.

Steve: What? glares at Crew

Crew: Just keeping it real man.

Man: accusative So Yeah you did. Suddenly friendly But I can help you get in there. Why do you wanna be back there anyway? All the money’s at the counter.

Steve: No, we don’t, we’re not being seriu.. Crew cuts him off.

Crew: Shutup Steve. Yeah maybe you’re one of the angels Bill Hicks sent to us, he said some of them might need rehabilating.
Man: Bill Hicks and the angels, don’t know what you’re talking about mate. But for fifty quid I’ll make sure you get back there without being spotted.

Steve: We need to get to the attic room. It was John Logie Baird’s laboratory, something is hidden up there....shrugs for the future of humanity.

Man: Are you two tripping right now? They said this place was full of pill heads.

Steve: No, we’re not tripping. We’re saving the world. Suddenly resolute We will give you twenty pounds if you can afford us a way of getting upstairs.

Man: But you said you wanna be upstairs in the attic too. Might be something up there that needs dealing with, make it 50 quid all in and I’ll give you the full handy man service.

Steve: Ok, but money after. We need to see that it’s not all talk.

Man: All talk? You’ll see. Stand up now and make towards the corridor, when you hear me shout the words ‘it’s my heart’ twice in succession then you go through the door.

The Man writhes on the floor of the Bar Italia wiggling manically like possessed animal, making gestures clutching his chest and screaming indistinct words. The whole cafe suddenly turned its attention to him and since there was no waiting staff there was no one to impede Steve and Crews progress upstairs as soon as the Man cried the words ‘it’s my heart’ twice in a feeble imploring manner the whole cafe was so intent on helping the man in whatever way possible that Steve and Crew easily skipped through their communal perception field to slip through the corridor unnoticed.

Steve and Crew are now upstairs at the Bar Italia and have managed to advance up a steep old disused staircase up to the top of the building. They come upon a steep staircase leading to the attic with a locked door at the end of it.

They try the door quietly and find it locked.

Steve: It’s locked, what do we do know?

Suddenly The Man appears right next to them.

The Man: If I may gentlemen? This is an old lock. With that he removes a cunningly fashioned piece of metal and opens the locked door.

Steve: How did you get up here?

The Man: I am the magic man. I move too fast for most people to see. I can be anywhere anytime my friend. 50 Quid!

Crew: Pay the man Steve. Maybe he IS an angel.

Steve: hands over fifty quid Fair enough, saved us the trouble of coming up with a plan.

The Man: Suddenly starts laughing, which becomes progressively more raucous. You coming up with a plan? Laughs even more I don’t think so mate.

Steve: Yeah, fair enough mate, thanks for your help.

The Man walks away but suddenly stops himself and turns around back to Steve and Crew.

The Man: I know it’s not strictly professional but what are you two up to by the way? Saving the world and attic rooms, you’re not going to do someone are you?

Crew: Do someone? Turns to Steve I don’t think so Steve, are we?

Steve: Well, not like we did Johnny St Vile and all those other ghoul bags.

The Man: Johnny? What did you do to jangly jangly Johnny? He’s still missing, I saw it in the paper.

Steve: It’s a long story. He then briefly recaps what happened in Popstars of the Apocalypse 1.

The Man: Oh I see. That’s quite a story. Tell you what, I’ll help you out a bit, consider it a loyalty service. Besides I want to see what you two nuts are up to.

They enter the attic and find that they seem to clearly be the first people to enter the upstairs flat in a long time. All around there are parts of old mechanical television and other strange mechanical inventions including all sorts of aerials and dials and cobweb covered valves.
The Man: closing the door silently behind them So what is this place?

Crew: Might as well tell him the whole story Steve.

Steve: Are you kidding? He’ll think we’re nutjobs.

The Man: I’m already convinced you’re nutjobs but I’m intrigued by what motivates you. Even I have to wonder what you’re after in an old forgotten place like this.

Crew: Suddenly and triumphantly This holding up and old note book.

Steve: Hey great! Starts reading 2 lbs pots, 2 ounce ham 3 bananas. This isn’t it, it’s a shopping list.

Crew: It might be a cipher!

Steve: Ok mate, you get decoding those potatoes and I’ll just crack-on shall I doing what we’re here for?

They move from around the cramped 2 room attic.

Steve: Incredible to think that the first ever TV pictures were transmitted between these two rooms.

Crew is busy reading the notebook he has found while the others search around the drawers and cupboards for the lost journals of John Logie Baird.

After a while.

Steve: I can’t find it what about you?

The Man: I’ve found nothing but an ounce of pipe tobacco, a pair of NHS glasses and a gold half-sovereign which I’ll hang on to if you don’t mind.

Steve: I can’t find anything. There’s not that much here, looks like it was all just cleared out and abandoned here.

Crew: looks up What you doing?

Steve: exasperated Looking for John Logie Baird’s lost journals. Why what are you doing?

Crew: Oh, reading them. That shopping list was a decoy, there were about five pages of it but you know me, I found it interesting and wanted to read it till the end to see if I could figure out what he was having for dinner then I realised I was reading stuff about magnetrons and contacting the dead.

The Man: Contacting the dead?

Steve: Oh well done Crew sorry I ever doubted you.

Just as they leave the flat there is a noise behind them.

Voice: Not so fast!

Steve: What is it?

Crew: I don’t know.

The Man: Alright mate, machines for speaking to the spirits of the dead and weird voices in a room that hasn’t been opened for fifty years? I’m sorry but that’s slightly above my pay grade, if you don’t mind I’ll make myself scarce. Happy to have been of service gentlemen.

He leaves quickly and quietly but is obvious scared.

Steve: He’s gone? What shall we do?

Crew: Let’s go too.

Voice: No you don’t you band of dirty little thieves, stealing from my museum of precious things of the master. You have stolen all the exhibits! You have taken his tobacco and the glasses, and the golden coin, and his books which you are getting your greasy fingers into.

Crew: looking up from the notebook No, the tobacco and glasses are on the table but yeah, that bloke nicked the coin. Suddenly the previously open door through which The Man escaped suddenly closes with a sudden force.

Voice: Where do you think you’re going my pretties?

Crew: What is that? Who are you?

Voice: I will show you.

Suddenly the lights of the attic room are flicked on and they can behold where the voice is coming from.

Steve: Disappointed Oh no, not another one of those stupid puppets.

James the puppet: Another stupid puppet? How dare you, I am the first actor in the word.

Crew: That’s funny because your brother says he’s the first.

James: My brother?  How is he?

Crew: He’s doing well. Just sat in a museum case but he seems happy enough.

James: Oh that’s good. Did you like him?

Steve: Errr.. Not at all in fact. He was a bit grumpy, not to mention that he enjoys scaring the elderly to death.

Crew: And your existence is a complete surprise to us. He didn't say anything about there being another talking puppet like him. Wonder why he didn't mention you.

James: a little discombobulated Really, well, when you get older they all forget about you. Anyway what business have you here poking around the masters old bits of bobs? And I’ll not hear a bad word against Stookie Bill either.

Steve: We were instructed to use your master’s technology to help save the world, now will you open the door please?

James: Wait a minute. I’ve been stuck in here for over three quarters of a century, don’t you want to stop and chat.

Steve: looking at Crew Really?

James: I’ve not talked to anyone for such a long time.

Steve: If you don’t mind, we’ve seen it all before with Stookie Bill! We don't need another dose.

James: But I am James. Gleefully I’m not the same! He laughs.

Crew: Sorry James we’ve got to go. We can’t hang around here much longer, we’re not even supposed to be here.

James: But you are my guests. Of course you can be here now we have been introduced to each other. This is my flat, my London pied a terre. Please sit down and have a cup of tea. I have some nice cream cakes and hot buttered scones with Jam and cream.

Crew: like a child Oh yes please, I love creamy jam scones! I do so hope it’s strawberry jam.

James: well please, sit down my dear dear guests.

Crew and Steve sit down and dust raises up from their places on the sofa. They wait for  moment for the tea and scones.

Crew: to himself  I love scones.

James: I bet you do you rascal. So, introduce yourselves, tell me a little about yourselves.

Crew: I have a question. Why are you so much nicer than Stookie Bill?  

James: Well Stookie Bill has never been the same since he got his hair singed by the lighting for the Master’s television maker.

Steve: So James? How come you exist. Why are you a talking puppet, did you get possessed by a wandering ghost at a séance too? I mean, two talking wooden puppets? This is all a little but unprecedented. In fact turns to Crew can you tell me Crew, are we in the Twilight Zone? Did we miss the turning?

Crew: I don’t think so Steve, I think we’re still in Blighty but it definitely feels like we've travelled back in time in this place.

James: So what did you think of Stookie Bill?

Crew: Pffttt he was a right one wasn’t he Steve?

James: Was he? Disapprovingly He wasn’t that bad surely?

Steve: He wouldn’t stop calling your Master silly names and being quite rude to him.

James: Well, I suppose he did get his hair singed off.

Crew starts looking around for the tea and cakes.

Crew: So what about that tea Mr James?

James: Oh, the tea and scones. Gleefully  Of course!

Crew starts smiling and starts getting a little  excited.

James: Of course. After a while Steve realises the gravity of the situation.

Steve: There is no tea, there are no cakes Crew.

James: Oh well, it was just a figure of speech, you know, like they say, please sit down ‘tea and cakes’. I don’t have any actual tea or any cakes. Why would I have them? I am a wooden puppet.

Crew: mumbling I was thinking maybe you’d call someone.

James: I’m a wooden puppet Crew, I can’t use a telephone.

Crew: Well that’s not much use is it? James looks crestfallen, but then Crew mollifies his tone, I mean we can get a hot drink anytime.

Steve: Yeah, certainly plenty of coffee downstairs.

Crew: Yeah, and those tough Italian biscuits. Crew suddenly gets excited and has an idea I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we go downstairs and have a coffee and one of those biscuits.

James: Oh don’t go, just because I haven’t got any cakes, what kind of friends are you?

Steve: looks at Crew Are we friends? He’s just a weird wooden puppet with a ghost inside.

James: I am what I am. But you said so yourself I was a bit of an anomaly.

Crew:  an annoyingly more like, I hate being tempted in with phantom cakes that’s not fair. 

James: Well don’t leave me here for the woodworm to worry and the spiders to scuttle over, take me with you.

Crew pulls an imploring face and Steve put his head in his hands.

Steve: You must be joking. You’re not coming with us. What would be the point? We’re not a seaside Punch and Judy show.

Crew: Hey why not? It would be fun. And pretty cool to travel with a wooden puppet who was the first TV star.

Steve: They both say that, one of them must be bullshitting. I’m getting out of here, let’s go Crew.

They both leave for the door and try to open it but find it suddenly carpeted with a wall of flame.

Crew: Ow! It burns Steve, we can’t get out.

James: Come back here my little Man friends, you won’t leave me so easily you see I was the first ever TV star because I am he and and he is me and we are altogether.

Steve: How does he know the Beatles?

James: It used to come through from the antenna over there. These days it’s just noise so I turned it off. You’re welcome to try it but I expect it will just be a noise to make your head ache. I didn’t mind the Beatles though. And Pink Floyd. Then I don’t know what happened, it all became rather shrill after that.

Crew: turns to Steve he’s right y’know.

Steve: So what use is a wooden puppet who can set doors on fire and likes the Mersey Sound?

James: I will help you, I was always watching the Master with his experiments and he told me many secrets, like the machine you are trying to build. He said no-one should ever make this machine but you must have been sent here otherwise you wouldn’t have found me.

Steve: Wouldn’t have found you? 

Crew: Stookie Bill told us to come here. We weren’t trying to find you, we came for the notebook.

Steve: Yeah, we didn’t even come here for you.

James: But I sent you to find me.

Steve: No offense mate, but we don’t really care if you’re here or not.

James: But it was I who told you where to find the book, without me you wouldn’t have it.

Crew: That was Stookie Bill.

James/Stookie Bill: But I AM Stookie Bill.

Steve: How does that work?

James: It’s not that complicated you oaf, I just jump out of Stookie Bill and I come here through the 4th dimension, my ghostly electromagnetic form having no mass means I can travel anywhere and anywhen in the universe.

Steve: Really? So why do you hang around in here all the time?

Crew: So you're Stookie Bill? Well hello again Stookie Bill.

James: I did say 'Au revoir' when last we parted, not 'Adieu'. You should have sensed that we would shortly meet again. You see I don’t hang around in here all the time. I jump onto the wind when it’s up and she takes me all the way around the world. And when I get tired I just jump back into my museum case in Scotland or return to my little Soho Pied a terre. It’s not a bad life you know. Oh and sometimes I listen to the radio of course. Listen, if you’re going to build that thing I might be able to help you. In fact I WILL be able to help you. I’m the only one who understands the technology from both sides.

Crew: Enthused what do you say Steve?

Steve: After a moment Ok stick him in your bag.

James: Bag! Don’t stick me in.....suddenly muffled from being stuck inside a bag.

Suddenly the flames disappear and the door returns to normal. As they open the door all of the lights flick out in the attic and the leave, stepping out into Bar Italia they are unnoticed and all three make their way into the night and look up at the a red crescent moon high in the sky.

Crew: Wow, look at that moon.

Steve: Bah, who cares. We’ve got the book let’s go home.

Act 2 Scene 4

It is Loz June, Vicky are walking towards the Deadwood with a red crescent moon in the sky.

June: Hurry we need to get to the Deadfield before midnight and you must wear these. She gives them two red riding hoods. Loz and Vicky start fastening on their hoods.

Loz: To June Where’s your....suddenly she notices that June has gone Hey Where’s June gone?

Loz and June both start looking around frantically.

Vicky: I don’t know. But I suppose we’d better forget about her if we want to get to the Deadwood on time.

They hurry towards the darkened woods and enter the darkness within.

Vicky: Where are we supposed to go?

Loz: I don’t know, I feel daft wearing this thing.

Vicky: What time is it now?

Loz: she takes out her mobile phone 11:56.

Vicky: We’ve got to be at the Deadfield at precisely midnight, I can’t even see a field...We’d better start running otherwise we’re going to miss out. Come on.

They both start running through the widening wood until they can no longer see the point where they came in.

Vicky: What time is it now? We’re not going to make it.

Loz takes out her phone to look at the time suddenly it rings:

Voice: Turn to the your left. Now run. After a they have gone a certain distance. Stop. Turn Right. Now run. They run in the required direction when suddenly they see a flare in the distance. Run in the direction we have just signalled. Quickly.

They spot a small empty clearing just ahead from where the flare had come from, and run towards it. When they get there they find a body covered with blood in the middle of the clearing.

Loz: suddenly panicked Oh my God. It’s June.

Vicky: starts crying What happened?

Suddenly they hear a voice in the woodland.

Distinctive Voice south London voice singing: June June, bloody June. laughs to himself.

Loz screams, she looks at Vicky but they’re both too scared to speak and both are crying.

Suddenly from out of the woods come a large assembly of figures all wearing black robes and red hoods each with a distinctive triangle and circle insignia on the chest of their robes.

Loz and Vicky look around in panic, the singing figure walks towards the body of June.

Singing figure: Juuuuune, you’ll change your tune..... He bends down towards the body and kisses it on the lips. Then he turns to the two girls.You’re face to face, with the man who sold the world....he lowers his red hood to reveal the face of David Bowie.

Loz screams: You’re dead.... You died in January.

David Bowie: We’re all dead here love..... Why do you think they call it the Deadfield?...laughs loudly and starts dancing around Ha ha ha, hee hee hee, I’m the laughing gnome and you can’t catch me!

Loz: whispering to Vicky We’ve got to make a run for it otherwise they’ll kill us too.

They both make a desperate run out of the woods, blindly in the dark. The hooded figures around them make a move to catch them but June leaps desperately past them and keeps going, she looks back to try to find Loz but she can’t find her. Once June is out of sight she hides and after a while she tries to find the Deadfield but she can find no trace of her friend, the hooded figures, David Bowie or of June’s body.

Act 2 Scene 5

Back at Steve and Crew’s Brick Lane flat.
Steve and Crew are gathered around the lost journal of John Logie Baird which they have just recently found.

Crew: Reading Note in the journal Never attempt to make this machine.

Steve: Wow, wonder why he was so spooked. Turning pages Look, blueprints.

Crew: What are those wiggly things and those circles?

Steve: Hmm not sure, I think they’re vacuum tubes.

Crew: Look! Whatever that is it’s radioactive! It's got a radiation sign next to it.

Steve: Yeah....stops for a moment then says resolutely Listen Crew, this is crazy, we’ve got no idea about any of this stuff. We don’t even know what we’re looking at here and where on Earth do we get radioactive material and more to the point, do we really want to?

Crew: Hmmm, pretty sure John Hampton would have a university friend who can get hold of some.

Steve: But isn’t this all a bit dangerous buddy? Playing with radiation... ‘never attempt to create this machine’, ghosts....

Crew: Well we hung out with Jim Morrison and he wasn’t too dangerous, just a bit drunk.

Steve: He WAS drunk. We drunk him.

Crew: Hahaaha, nice Hitchhiker’s Guide gag.

Steve: We’d better call John and tell him we’ve got it.

At that moment Crew’s phone rings, the caller ID says John Hampton.

Crew screams and throws the phone in the air with an involuntary spasm, Steve catches the phone.

Steve: John, that’s weird, we were just about to call you. Crew’s freaked out about it. We’ve got the journal but we need some help with it.

Suddenly there’s a knock at the door. Crew screams again.

Steve: Wait a minute John, there’s someone at the door.

Steve: goes over to answer the door while speaking to John on the phone I don’t know who this can be at this hour he opens the door and is surprised to find John Hampton standing in front of him along with another elderly gentleman.

John Hampton: Good morning.

Steve: looks at the phone in his hand and presses the end call button ruefully I might have known. Who’s this, don’t tell me this is another of your university student friends.

John Hampton: No. Dr Philip Kemble here was a friend of my mothers’. But snap on the university, he was a professor at my college.

Steve: Always something new isn’t it with you?

John Hampton: I try to avoid clichés if I can help it.

Dr Philip Kemble: I hear you young gentleman have something of great interest to a tinkering old dodderer like myself. A certain lost notebook of a certain eccentric Scottish scientist.

Steve: Yeah, can you help us build it?

Dr Philip Kemble: That depends on whether you really want me to. The consequences could be grave, if this machine is really what my friend John suspects it might be.

Steve: Not you as well, it's bad enough with the spooky warning in the notebook 'never attempt to build this machine'. I'm starting to think maybe we shouldn't bother after all. I'll take the advice of two old men over the advice of Bill Hick's ghost that visited Crew in a dream.

Crew: It wasn't a dream Steve, it was in colour, so it was more like astral projection.

John Hampton: There's no point turning yellow now my friends, we have to do this. You don't now what's coming and if we don't have some kind of defence against the Dark Pop Circus when it comes to town, the Earth will be taken over by the demonic hierarchy forever.

Crew: Is that so bad? What happens if we just sit this one out?

John Hampton: If you want the whole world to turn into a Beyonce video then by all means, we'll just put our feet up and watch evil roll across the whole world.

Crew: Yeah, that would be pretty bad I guess.

John Hampton: My friend Sarah Clarke found out all about it from an over communicative roadie. They plan to use a special psychotronic pink lazer to implant the demonic host into empty headed pop fans at the Hype Aid festival. This 100,000 strong horde of demonically possessed hipsters, chavs and bimbos will then go out into society and spread the demonic hive mind through the whole of the UK withing a matter of days. The only people who can stop them are dead rock stars. Our dead rock stars, and we need to build this machine so we assemble our army against the hell hounds of plastic pop.

Crew: Nervously Oh I see. By the way how do you do that?

John Hampton: Do what?

Crew: Magically appear whenever anyone talks about you?

John Hampton: To be honest I’m not entirely sure. But it’s a neat trick isn’t it?

Crew: Can you please stop being any more spooky for the moment. I don’t think I can handle too much more of this magically teleporting John Hamptons, one minute he’s in the phone the next he’s in your face.

John Hampton: Come on Crew, I’m not spooky on purpose, I guess it just comes naturally. Don’t take it personally, a little weirdness makes a refreshing change from all the tedium of modern life I find.

Crew: A little. But I’m just about at saturation levels. We’ve drunk a drunk Jim Morrison, burgled a Scottish museum to talk to a weird possessed wooden puppet and been held captive by another even weirder possessed puppet with a flaming wall of fire in an attic above Bar Italia. I need something reassuringly banal. Who wants tea and biscuits?

Suddenly there is a muffled noise from within Crew's bag.

Stookie Bill: Who are you calling 'weird' you rascal? Let me out of here so I can box your ears.

Dr Philip Kemble: What on Earth was that?
Steve: whistles Oh I forgot about him. This is going to be fun. Take a seat Dr Kemble, this is probably going to come as quite a surprise.

Dr Kemble sits down after shrewdly examining a green bong which was on the chair and placing it on the table. 

Crew: opens the bag and takes out a wooden puppet This is Stookie Bill, or James, or both, it's all a little confusing.
Dr Kemble: Yes I know about this puppet, Baird used it with his early television experiments, I have seen pictures of it. How did you make the voice come from the bag? That's a pretty good piece of ventriloquism.

Stookie Bill: suddenly starts speaking Ventriloquism my eye! I'm alive, it's those two who are the dummies.

Dr Kemble suddenly looks wide-eyed and promptly faints.

Crew: Oh no, I've told you're not allowed to kill old people. He was our friend.... well, at least we were getting there I think.

John Hampton: The good doctor isn't dead, just a little bit surprised. Why did you have to bring him along?

Steve: He said he could help us put the machine together.

John Hamton: checking Dr Kemble's pulse The good Doctor is ok, we'll have to wait for him to come round. Put that thing back in the bag.

Steve: With pleasure.

Stookie Bill: protesting I am not a 'thing' and I will not go back into that blasted ba... his protestations are cut short as Steve grabs Stookie Bill and stuffs him back into Crew's bag.

Act 2 Scene 6

Dr Kemble: sitting in a chair, awake and accepting a cup of tea from Crew Good Lord, when my friend John here told me that he had access to John Logie Baird’s actual schematics for a machine to contact the underworld, I was intrigued and curious as to what insight into Baird’s renowned eccentricity this might shed light on, I hardly thought I would be venturing into the underworld myself and sharing a room with its indicating the bag rather peculiar inhabitants.

Stookie Bill: From within the bag Who are you calling peculiar? Take me out of this bag at once I am not a pair of old tennis shoes. I am an anomaly. The first TV star! One of a kind!

Crew: correcting him TWO of a kind.

John Hampton: Take him out of there Crew, let’s see what kind of anomaly we’re dealing with here.

Stookie Bill: removed from the bag Dealing with? Dealing with? I am not a petty crook or ruffian, I’ll have no more of this tone of disrespect. In my day we spoke civilly and respectfully to our elders.

Crew: But you’re a puppet. Since when did anyone treat puppets with respect?

Steve: No, he’s right Crew, there’s no need to hurt his feelings.

Crew: But he’s such a grumpy churlish thing Steve. And he offered me cakes when he didn’t have any. I still haven’t quite got over that.

Dr Kemble: addressing Stookie Bill So you’re an inhabitant of the underworld?

Stookie Bill: I don’t know about that professor. I’m mostly an inhabitant of Soho, which may well amount to much the same thing.

Dr Kemble: So you knew John Logie Baird?

Stookie Bill: Of course I did. But let’s talk about me some more. I know everything that old lunatic knew. He knowledge sort of infused into me like psychic osmosis.

Crew: Psychic Osmosis. Good band name there Steve. Steve chuckles.

Dr Kemble: I must say I can’t make much sense of this blueprint, can you explain the principles of this machine Stookie Bill?

Stookie Bill: Well yes, I’ll try to make it simple professor.

Steve: turns and winks at Dr Kemble He’s always like this, don’t take it personally.

Stookie Bill: It’s like this, the metal plates contain an isotope: radioactive Americium 241 and the usual alpha decay will be almost infinitesimally perturbed by the existence of astral energy. Ghosts to you laymen. The difference between the expected rate of alpha reception and the measured rate is then converted into an electrical charge and sent through these vacuum tubes, then the arc discharge is measured and the plasma flow is reversed at the same rate, and in this way it creates a high voltage feedback loop which is then discharged onto a small black glass screen which allows the astral energy to  be visualised in 2 dimensions.

Dr Kemble: How strange.

Steve: That goes without saying.

Dr Kemble: It appears from what our disembodied friend here says that Logie Baird invented the smoke alarm. This machine appears to work in almost exactly the same way, instead of detecting minute particles of smoke it is detecting minute variations in some kind of field. In fact this machine appears to be a cross between a smoke-alarm and an electrical television set. It’ll be easy enough to construct, just seems surprising that no one else thought of it.

Stookie Bill: Not really, most scientists don’t believe in ghosts so they don’t go about looking for them.

Dr Kemble: Yes, I suppose you’re right. How interesting. I wonder if science actually started looking for such things how much it might suddenly discover.

John Hampton: I believe Nikola Tesla was of a similar opinion.

Dr Kemble: What is all this about John, why are we doing this? Entering the underworld like mediaeval alchemists traficking with spirits?

John Hampton: Because we've got to stop them.

Dr Kemble: Who's 'them' John?

John Hampton: It’s like this, but I warn you, this is going to get metaphysical: There are many human beings on this planet who are, what is termed, possessed by demonic spirits. Most of them don’t even know it, the worst and most evil and dangerous people on, the murderers and child abusers, they know it. The rest, have no idea. They just stumble through life, being mean for no reason, sometimes they suddenly erupt into violence or abuse at the least provocation. Sometime the demons leads them into self-destructive habits, alcoholism, drug abuse and sex addictions. It does this because the demon itself enjoys these sensations so it stimulates the mind of the human it is infecting to indulge in them as often as possible. Now this is a fact of life and life goes on more or less. However when a critical Mass of human demon possessed zombies is reached, when over half of the Earth is demon possessed, the system collapses under the weight of its own evil.

Because whatever they try always ends in disaster and widening entropy because there’s just too much evil in the system and evil begets only more evil. Only natural goodness can create and generate structure and continuing life. Most of the politicians and rulers of the world governments and corporations are demonically enchanted. This is how they reach their level of success, the demons all work together to insure that ‘their’ agents are in control.

The Zombies are eve
rywhere they always have been and once their numbers get out of control we have war in order to reduce the number, sadly the good people also perish in the same numbers as the zombies so it’s a phyric victory for humanity as a whole and a losing game as ever year the Zombies are more and the good people are fewer and fewer.

They feed off the rest of us, and they generally look for someone with light and imprison him within a psychic framework: most commonly a Job, and since they are the bosses they have a variety of ways of subtly torturing their employees which they never will suspect and it is this torture which becomes anxiety and stress which feeds the demons and also, can help trigger the transformation of the employee themselves into a demon possessed agent. 

So their agents then slowly attempt to destabilise, persecute, harass, annoy, and otherwise attempt to weaken this person drawing his energy and they use this to create negative events and power wars and terror attacks because they themselves have no power to manifest events. And this is how the world works and how no matter how much things change, conditions for life on Earth don’t actually seem to get better. They may appear to with new technology and medicines, but all of this just creates more entropy.

Every cynical negative act performed by these people locks itself into a permanent patchwork of error like a structure made of broken blocks. The tower grows and appears to be strong but looking at it there is an awareness that it is warped and maintains it position and stability only through an interconnectedness living membrane of terror and fear. It is the souls of the tower’s builders who maintain the tower’s structure. One block out of place, one person within the structure can bring the whole thing crashing down to Earth.

We have to stop them reaching critical mass, which this time, won’t just result in war, but in the end of the world and the human race itself.

Suddenly there is an odour of whisky in the air and soft singing
... this is the end....beautiful friend...

Crew: Hey it’s Jim!

Steve: Just in time, I thought I was going to drown in that lecture.

Jim Morrison: Materialising in whisky form I always tried to tell them.... but they never cared about my poems: a place where ghosts reside to whisper into the ears of travellers and interest them in their fate.

Steve: raising his eyebrows Wow, that’s actually pretty good.

Jim Morrison: Of course baby.....but Bobby couldn’t make ‘em scan with the music so I had could only write basic lyrics for the songs. I mean ‘come on baby light my fire’ it ain't Wordsworth.

Steve: Another mystery solved.

Jim Morrison: Well you got it, Jim is here and all the doors are opened. Addressing Dr Kemble So professor, can you build that crazy magic ghost TV machine?

Dr Kemble: slightly at a loss at addressing a Jim Morrison made of whisky The principle is surprisingly simple, so yes, whether it actually works or not is another question.

Jim Morrison: Oh, it’ll work baby. When you switch it on better man the switchboard because there’s a lot of my friends want to break on through to you guys. We’ve got a lot of work to do, we’re gonna take this planet back from the plastic pop and mark the return of the mighty lizard men of rock n’roll. They always said rock n’roll was the devil’s tune, but that ain’t true. The things I’ve seen in the name of pop music make me even the mightiest rockers of the far-side blush with shame and weep with pity for the future of the human race.

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Kundalini refugee doing a bit of landscaping.